Life After the Curve Ball
By: Laurinda Dovey

A curveball is a type of pitch in baseball thrown with a grip and hand motion that induces extra rotation on the ball, causing it to fly in a more exaggerated curve than would be expected. The pitch is slower than a fastball, and this difference in velocity tends to disrupt the hitter's timing causing him to miss the ball. The pitch looks innocent enough, but during the instant the hitter is blind to the ball, a good curveball will have dropped a foot or more and the batter will likely swing over the pitch.

Just as baseball pitchers throw curve balls during a game, so life throws curve balls at humans from time to time. Some are harder to recover from than others. Have you ever had life throw you a curve ball from which you did not recover quickly? These particular curve balls may come in the form of the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job or problems with your health. Sometimes these challenges throw you completely off balance for a period of time or prove to be totally debilitating. These life-altering obstacles can either break you mentally, physically and emotionally or you can use them as opportunities to grow, to learn and to become stronger.There are things in life over which you have some reasonable control. For example, by eating healthy foods and exercising regularly, your chances of staying healthy are improved. Investing time and effort into your relationships will keep them stronger in the face of adversity. Having a good solid work ethic and sound knowledge of your business will help you be successful.However, there are things over which you have little control. For example, your company may downsize and you are out of a job. A loved one becomes ill or your partner or spouse moves on to another relationship. It is these things in life, over which you have little or no control, that can be the most devastating. How is it possible to survive these curve balls and to come out of them stronger and more resilient? Helen Keller said,“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”Let’s look at the physical body as an example of this. In order to build a healthier heart, you place controlled stress on it in the form of exercise. At the beginning of, and throughout exercise, various energy systems kick in to provide your body with the required oxygen and blood flow. Without these energy systems your heart could not continue to provide the oxygen and blood flow required. Although some discomfort and lack of oxygen occurs at the onset of exercise, the outcome is a stronger, healthier heart. These energy systems provide support for the effective functioning of all physiological systems. In order to build stronger muscles, you need to stress them regularly in the form of resistance training. Again, the outcome is stronger muscles, a higher metabolic rate and more lean muscle mass. These controlled stressors result in you being stronger and healthier.You can also use the uncontrollable, unexpected stressors and challenges of life to become stronger mentally and emotionally. Your experiences, both positive and negative, build and shape who you are as a person, and they affect how you live, play and succeed or fail in the game of life. A friend of mine once stated that she cried too easily over the unimportant things in life. She felt that had she experienced more difficulties throughout her life, she would have been better prepared to handle the smaller things. Her point was that you learn how to become stronger from your life experiences. So how can you apply these principles to those life altering curve balls that will most certainly come your way?Identified below are six strategies that will help you to recover from a life altering curve ball:

Depending on the severity of the curve ball, this may take days, weeks, or even months. The loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship requires a grieving process. A setback in your health requires that you take time to heal. In no way should these parts of the process be minimized or rushed. It is an important part of healing and preparing yourself to stand up and move forward again. During this time, acknowledge how you are feeling, bring it out in the open and address it. Seek medical and other professional help as required. It will be much easier to move forward if you have properly dealt with your feelings. Do not be too hard on yourself during this period and take the time you need to grieve, re-balance and start the recovery process.

Do not conclude that re-gaining your balance and picking yourself up happens quickly or easily. The important thing is that it does happen. This is largely a mental process, one in which you consciously acknowledge where you are and that there is a need to go somewhere else. Once your mind accepts this fact, you need to take the appropriate action. Start moving forward in the right direction, one step at a time.

In the Oxford Dictionary “support” is defined as follows:“Carry all or part of weight to keep from falling; strengthen, encourage, speak in favour of, be actively interested in.”Imagine if when exercising there were no energy systems to jump in and say “hey, I can help you get through this.” Your body needs all of these physiological supports in order to continue exercising successfully. It’s no different when you are facing a life challenge. Your support systems are vital to your healing both mentally and emotionally.Your support systems may include the following:

A support system helps to keep you balanced, confident and safe. It provides a safe haven for you to express your emotions when you are down, and a place that will help you to get back up again. Using a support system takes humility. Many of us are mentally programmed to be “tough” and get through things “on our own”. This is not the time for that sort of mentality. Open yourself up to others and allow them to help you to heal. Willingly accept support that is offered, knowing that in the future you may be able to do the same for someone.

In 1977, Terry Fox, at the age of 18 was diagnosed with bone cancer and lost his right leg to the disease. After 14 months of training, Terry asked the Canadian Cancer Society to help sponsor his marathon run across Canada. On April 12, 1980 he began his cross country run, averaging 26 miles per day. Although he was unable to complete his run, he raised over 24 million dollars for cancer research. Terry Fox succumbed to cancer just before his 23 rd birthday but he had become an inspiration for millions worldwide. Today, 27 years later, the Terry Fox run is still raising money for cancer research. He turned a life-altering curve ball into something positive not only for himself, but for others as well.Human beings are resilient and have a tremendous capacity to survive. This has been demonstrated numerous times throughout history. Those who have healed after major disasters where they have lost loved ones, their homes and their businesses in one horrific moment, are an inspiration and an example for all of us. Imagine the horror that faced people on December 26, 2004 when the devastating Asian Tsunami killed hundreds of thousands of people, washed away towns, homes, businesses, families and anything else that stood in front of that mighty wall of water. Damage and death extended as far as the east coast of Africa. In spite of this devastation, and with the help and support of many organizations and countries, the people began to rebuild and move forward again.Using the examples of others as an inspiration can help you to put your own problems into perspective. These examples tell you that no matter what life-changing event or tragedy is thrown your way, you can not only survive, but rebuild and move forward as a stronger human being. Life is fluid and is guaranteed to have both glorious and tragic moments. Your ability to enjoy the glorious moments and to survive the tragic ones will directly impact your walk through life. You get to decide whether the impact will be totally debilitating, or one from which you will recover and move forward.

Creating and following through with an action plan requires resilience, determination and strength of mind. While the content of the action plan is important, the biggest benefit is that you are actually doing something. The action plan will look different for each of you and will vary according to the situation from which you are recovering. With any action plan you need to be realistic and set goals that are achievable. The plan needs to be one that will help you on your road to recovery, whether physical or emotional. Consider what actions will help you the most in your particular situation.If you are experiencing serious health problems, part of your plan may include:

If you are getting over the end of a relationship, part of your plan may be:

Dealing with the loss of employment may necessitate the following:

Ensure that your action plan is flexible, and remember, it is okay to start with baby steps. Adjust your plan as required and keep your goals clear in your mind. Committing your plan to paper makes it tangible and gives you something to work towards as you go through the recovery process.

Too often a life setback causes us to neglect ourselves. This can be in the form of poor eating habits, drinking too much caffeine or alcohol, not taking the time to exercise or not taking any time for relaxation and restoration. Going through a life-altering situation impacts you physically, mentally and spiritually; therefore, it is key to take extra good care of yourself during these times. Here are some guidelines:

Curve balls or life altering experiences are guaranteed to come your way at some point. How you handle them will make or break the person you are, and while you may have little control over what comes your way, you do have control over how you react to and handle these challenges.

In summary, utilize your support systems, draw comfort and strength from real life examples of people who have come through serious life challenges, develop and implement an action plan and most importantly, take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Lance Armstrong, unprecedented seven time winner of the Tour de France and cancer survivor, summed it up nicely when he said,

“When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope?
We have two options, medically and emotionally: Give up or fight like hell.”

Laurinda Dovey
Horizons Unlimited
"The Sky is the Limit, Reach Your Potential"
www.horizonsunlimited.ca

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