What is it that lacks integrity in you?
By: Stephen Jeremie
The thing you love the most is probably the thing you need to change in your pattern. Associations.What is it, that you know needs improving? What is it you want in life? What are your present health, relationship and fitness concerns? When are you finally going to stop procrastination? Stop smoking and mean it. Love your children, and not by just giving them money at the end of the month. Rather walk with them, talk with them and hug them? No more abuse. No more selfish living, drugs, gambling, drinking, mental abuse and neglect last? When are you going to put yourself or the family first or finally put together that project of success that you put off for those many years? Do you sing? Then work on your career. When was the last time you have a father and son day or mother or daughter day? A family day? These are the things your children want. These are the things we all need! Well, a lot of people want a lot in life, the question is, are you willing to pay the price to get it? How about this Sunday?Picnic time!What is that price? Love of life. Believe it or not without the discipline of love for life, health or time to just get away, each child including you are vulnerable to a major fall towards stress. Wellness is here to help!.
You see when you neglect the important things in life: Wellness, or time for the family. The simple thing(wellness), the one thing which are the easiest to do are the one thing you try not to do,and the one thing you know you must not do,is the thing we keep on doing. These simple things that we do not do are creating a toxin called mental sabotage.
Speak To Your Heart.
Which do you listen too, the heart or your mind? Keep in mind, a heart cannot be stolen, it only goes where it wants to go.
Associations
Additionally, the preventing of mental self-sabotage appears to be in harmony with an increased emphasis on the community, personal initiative and individual pro-activity. The aim of any wellness: the essences of
independence books are to educate individuals to be accountable for their own independence, actions and associations. Quite clearly, before you can begin your change to cleansing journey, I strongly encourage you to begin with associations, and you "must " really cleanse this area in your life. Start with being honest with yourself; ask yourself, why, have you built the associations?why have you decided to part with other associations? Then ask, what is it you want from them, or more importantly, what do they want from
you? Finally, if you want to change the road of associations, determine if you are traveling down the correct road with them or the wrong road.
Freedom To Change Your Associations Is A Must.Many people try to change their life. In terms of, crash diets, makeovers, new relationships, new job, moving to another town or city, counseling
services, practicing " tae-bo", having one to one and group therapy. One important change is the company you keep: your associations. Many successful people associate with other successful people. I have a friend who told me a personal story about the time he was married. He (Mr. Smith, not his real name) is now divorce and is engaged again. He works in a government job that is well to do. In his first marriage, however, he had two children and associated with other married couples. One of the couples, were like the Cosby T.V. show. The husband was a lawyer and the wife a doctor together they had two children. Together these couples would attend other business functions, government parties, fund raisers and even go on vacations together. They traveled to Florida, Bahamas, and Vancouver. Once Mr. Smith became divorced, their association also became divorce. Married couples tend to associate with other married couples. They do have distance associations with other people, however their primary focus is similar to there own environment.
The reasoning is as follows" once you are married your associations needs to represent your new lifestyles. Simular to your wellness health program. You need to grow up become more mature and responsible for your family. You must stop hanging out at the bars, associating with other unmarried people. It just sends the wrong message to your children and it may cause destructive behavior to infiltrate your happy relationship.
Here's how to change your surroundings, stop going to the places were unlike associations are! Put the family first. Create new relationships of like minded thinking. A more productive healthier and positive life is ahead of you once you practice this simple step. "Stay off the streets". When you do this you will not feel guilty about what yourself. Feeling guilty adds to stress, depression, self-sabotage. Become more responsible. Responsibility is redemption.
Sometimes walking away from an association/friendship is the best thing you can do for yourself.
For many individuals you are in relationships that do not have the same meaning or love it once did. You become the weakess link. Here is a story about breaking apart an association that is not productive, by Kate Rae entitled; the breaking point. "I inherited Roger from a boyfriend. The three of us hung out all the time, eating brunch, even going on trips. We all got on famously. Over time, though, his sarcasm became mean, his once-funny self-deprecating comments became increasingly bitter and hanging out with him became completely exhausting. When the boyfriend and I split, Roger was like the ugly clock given to you by your mother-in-law - one of the perks of breaking up was that you'd never have to see it (him) again. I certainly wasn't about to have a custody battle over him. Unfortunately, it turned out that he liked me more than he liked my ex and wanted to switch alliances. For a few months, I hung out with him, feeling guilty because he'd chosen me. I tried letting him go but he was wily, blocking his number or calling from a pay phone. He left long whiny messages with a sick feeling in my stomach, wishing he would just disappear. Every now and then Roger would get through - he'd phone me at work or I would carelessly pick up a blocked number - and wear me down until I ran out of excuses."Let's go for lunch this week," he'd say. "Oh, I can't - I'm super busy" "Why? What are you doing?" "Er. Monday I have lunch plans, Tuesday I have a doctor's appointment. Wednesday, I.um." "Okay, Wednesday then." I would dread going, hate being there and complain about him for days afterwards. Finally I knew I had to just dump him once and for all.
It is actually normal and healthy to end a relationship or association. If you didn't, you'll still be fielding calls from pant wetting paste eater you sat beside in grade two and shoplifting lipstick with Bad Girl Brenda from grade eight. A lot of our friends are time sensitive. There are people you meet at different stages of your life - high school, first job, through a partner. When your life changes, so do the friendships.But while women are applauded for walking away from unfulfilling romantic relationships (and men too), you will feel overwhelmed, and guilty at the idea of letting go of a friend. "Women have perfected guilt to a high art and, frankly, its rather tiresome," says Montreal therapist Vikki Stark. Unlike family, friends are optional. They are a choice. They give us hope, encouragement, companionship, new ideas."
When the relationship stops being about mutual enjoyment and support and starts being more about avoiding calls, not wanting to be with that person and dreading dates, it is time to examine the friendship. "Ask yourself some questions," says Stark. "Do I look forward to seeing him or her? Does it feel like a two-way relationship? Am I well supported when I need it? Do we have fun together? How much of our associations or friendship is based on guilt and a sense of duty?
If it seems clear that you are continuing the relationship out of a sense of responsibility and not getting much out of it, I think it is legitimate to decide to end it".
Friendships or associations sometimes end with a whimper - an unspoken, mutual agreement that both are ready to move on. Other times, there is an explosive fight. And then there are the times when one person once to end it but the other holds on for dear life. These breakups can be the trickiest. "You should do what you think will be least hurtful. In a case where the women or man lives will have diverged, perhaps it would be better to just say that. It is always nicer it make clear so the other person knows what is going on. But if your are ending an association because the friend has been too draining and negative, then you might just want to space out the times you see him or her to natural end, "says Stark.
As for Roger, I simply stopped answering his calls altogether. If he did sneak past my radar, I'd tell him that I would call him back and never did. Eventually, months later, he got the hint. I still have guilt pangs whenever I'm in the neighborhood, and dread running into him. I have to keep reminding myself that I have did nothing wrong - that he added absolutely no value to my life. And getting rid of him or her left me with time and energy for new friends - ones who actually make me feel good about myself. Try to do this in memory of defeating Self-Sabotage.
Learn more about Stephen Jeremie at: www.jeremietwellness.com
Copyright Stephen Jeremie, reprint welcome with permission and credits intact.
